


Love

by Fierygirl0 (orphan_account)



Category: Bleach
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Relationship(s), Sexual Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-09
Updated: 2012-06-09
Packaged: 2017-11-07 08:53:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/429179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Fierygirl0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not love, but who gives a damn when it's this nice? Still he keeps looking for something else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love

It's not love. He's known that from the beginning. Since Grimmjow shoved him hard against a wall in Las Noches and fucked him, all teeth and nails and barely leashed violence. He doesn't give a damn. It's an outlet, an escape from the suffocation of this sham of a life he's leading. His weekly visits to Las Noches leave him streaked in blood and sweat, their combating reiatsu making what's left of the fortress tremble. They've brought down a few walls that way, and even more by the almost ritualistic spar beforehand. He wins every time, but it doesn't matter, it's just a way to dull the rampaging instincts that scream for blood and violence, to stop them from literally tearing each other apart.

It used to scare him that he was so much like Grimmjow when it came down to it, but now he revels in it. Now, when Grimmjow sinks teeth into his throat and growls deep in his chest, demanding his submission, he snarls and drags his nails down the espada's back, silently telling the larger man that no, he _won't_ submit to that so he'd better try _harder_. He's still got scars from where Grimmjow had raked claws over his waist, still in his resurrección when they'd started fucking, and neatly torn him open.

" _Fuck! That hurt you motherfucker, keep your goddamn claws to yourself!"_

" _Stop being such a bitch, shinigami, you've taken worse before."_

" _Fuck you! This is different!"_

" _And you fucking love it, so shut up!"_

" _Ah!"_

It probably isn't healthy, in fact he's pretty sure anyone would think he's either getting his ass handed to him in a fight or being abused, but he's stopped caring. After all, a little pain is well worth the pleasure and damn if Grimmjow isn't fucking glorious when he's naked. Besides, there's some part of him that likes the pain, so it isn't like he's just putting up with it for the sex. And it wouldn't really be fair of him to back out of this _thing_ they have just because of a little pain, after all, Grimmjow walks out of their encounters just as bruised and bloody as he does. It'd be kind of hypocritical of him, not to mention against both their natures, to demand that the espada back off.

He does try with the others. Renji had courted him for a bit, and he had stopped visiting Grimmjow to try it. He won't ever cheat, that much he's promised himself. The redhead is nice enough when they finally do fuck, passionate and gentle, skilled. But it doesn't satisfy the way he wants it to, doesn't leave him aching and spent and so thoroughly exhausted that he can't do anything but laze in the afterglow. It doesn't last long. Renji knows he isn't satisfied, and the week and a half they last makes his hollow side snarl and snap, unhappy that he hasn't flipped Renji on his back and fucked him since he's _clearly_ weaker than them. No, Renji isn't dominant or rough enough for him, and when he shows back up in Las Noches, his reiatsu screaming how much he wants a fight, Grimmjow only looks at him and grins.

" _I knew you'd be back, shinigami."_

Inoue is next, confessing her love in a jumble of words that betray how nervous she is. And she's attractive, there's no doubt about that, beautiful in a way that other men would kill for. But she's too good for him and he knows it, plus he can't bear the thought of eventually hurting her when she finds out he doesn't love her back. He can't love her, he knows how much like Grimmjow he is and he doesn't want to hurt her. She'd smile through tears and put up with it, but she could never understand the part of him that craves pain and violence, and eventually he'd end up doing something he'd regret.

So he bows his head, unable to meet her eyes, and tells her no. That she should find someone else, he can't love her the way she wants or deserves. And even though he knows that it's the right thing to do he can't help feeling like a total dick when she ducks her head to hide tears, forces a cheery ' _Ok, Kurosaki-kun!'_ and leaves. He retreats to Grimmjow, just wanting someplace to hide till the terrible guilt goes away, and the espada obliges him. They sit, back to back, and talk, and eventually Grimmjow initiates a kiss that inevitably turns to sex. It's different this time, slower and less of a frantic rush for completion, more tongue and fingers than teeth and claws. And it's, nice, satisfying in a different way than their usual romps.

It's the first time he ever fully submits to the espada, the first time he ever arches his back and bares his throat in a way that comes straight from the hollow side of him. And the response is enough to convince him that it's worth doing again in some later fuck. Grimmjow shudders, a low moan slipping from him, his blue eyes clouding with heavy arousal, and his reiatsu nearly vibrates with want. The growl and redoubled passion is nice too, and more than vigorous enough to exhaust him into dreamless sleep.

" _God, I feel like such an asshole."_

" _Why? It's not like you love the woman, right?"_

" _No, but she loves_ _ **me**_ _. She always has and I just, turn her down like that? I'm such an ass."_

" _Stop bitching, Kurosaki. You would have been fucking miserable with her and you know it. She's too innocent and naïve for you, you'd have been bored shitless in a week. Heh, not to mention I bet she's lousy in the sack."_

" _Fuck you."_

" _Already have."_

Things go on, though now there's a different undertone to their… whatever it is. Sometimes they talk instead of sparring, though they always end up fucking, one way or the other. He sleeps more often in Las Noches now, before returning the next morning after another round of sex. Grimmjow is surprisingly comfortable to sleep next to, and it is incredibly pleasant to wake up to the espada's hand on his cock, teeth scraping at the side of his neck. He learns that Grimmjow is gentler in the mornings, when they're both still just waking up, and more likely to let him settle across the other man's hips and ride them both to orgasm. It's a nice change of pace to be on top of the espada, his hands braced on either side of the blue hair and thighs working to raise and lower him. He takes advantage of it when he can.

The next deviance is Ukitake and Kyouraku, of all people. He agrees only because Kyouraku, ' _No, Shunsui, I insist'_ makes it clear that they don't expect anything from him. They only want him in their bed for a time, nothing more. And god do they know what they're doing. The age difference, _experience_ difference, has never been made clearer to him than the first time they fuck. It's obvious they've been taking people into their bed for a long time, so perfect is the way they move together without making him feel awkward and unwelcome. He is overwhelmed in a way he's never been with Grimmjow, and somehow they push him into submission without him noticing until later, without him caring. And when his hollow surfaces, black invading the background of his eyes and a rasping distortion twisting his sounds and pleas, they only smile.

" _We must be doing something right, eh Jyuu-chan?"_

They're the ones to teach him that reiatsu can be used in a sexual way, holy fuck was that amazing, and they're the ones to teach him that yes, double penetration is possible with a male, it just takes a lot of patience and leaves you sore for a few days afterwards. They bring him to that same point that Grimmjow can, where all he can do is lie there in the pleasure, trembling when their fingers stroke over his shoulders and hips and unable to will himself to move. Still, something is missing.

They're in love, obviously, something ancient and deep and beyond his understanding till he's as old as them, and it's that fact that eventually drives him to leave. He stays for a month before bowing out, thanking the both of them and receiving smiles and warm embraces. Ukitake brushes fingers over his waist, right where the scars from Grimmjow are, and his smile brightens.

" _You already have what you want, Ichigo-san. Go back to him."_

He does go back to Las Noches, despite protesting Ukitake's words, and Grimmjow meets him, grinning and laughing. The espada doesn't mention his absence apart from demanding sex _'Right fucking now so I can reclaim you'_ and he's more than willing to oblige that request. It isn't perfect, not that he's quite sure what 'perfect' sex would be like, but it's still better than his experiences with anyone else. Everything feels right, even the nails digging into his thighs and the teeth scraping over his flesh. Grimmjow knows him, knows just how to make him scream and writhe, and it's comforting to know that he does.

He doesn't say anything for months, enjoying their ritual just the way it is. But something latches onto him and refuses to leave, manifesting as warmth in his chest whenever Grimmjow smirks. He doesn't dare name it, refuses to acknowledge it, but it's still there regardless. Finally, lying on his back with his head on Grimmjow's chest, the espada's fingers idly running through his hair, he gives voice to it.

"Grimmjow, this isn't love, is it?"

Grimmjow pauses, then gives a brief chuckle. "No, probably not."

"Then why am I still here?"

"Fuck if I know, Ichi. But no matter who you screw around with, you always end up back with me. Hah, maybe I'm just too handsome a devil for you to be satisfied with anybody else."

"Yeah right, you're an arrogant bastard."

Grimmjow flips on top of him, grinning and shoving him against the bed by his shoulders. "Yeah, but I'm a handsome and fucking _fantastic_ in the sack arrogant bastard." He laughs and shoves the espada back off him, initiating a wrestling match that ends with him still pinned under the other man, Grimmjow's head nestled in the crook of his neck. The espada's grip tightens and Grimmjow presses a kiss to his shoulder, his voice quiet. "Maybe, it doesn't have to be love, for it to be right."

Something in him, some knot that he didn't even know he was carrying, loosens. He relaxes in relief, all the different pieces in his mind clicking into a whole that is so _**stunningly**_ obvious he can't believe it took him this long to figure out. "You're right. It doesn't." He pulls Grimmjow's head up, and the espada is for once devoid of grin, blue eyes serious and narrowed. "Ukitake was right, I already have what I want. I've been a fucking idiot haven't I? I guess I'm here for good this time." Grimmjow sighs and shakes his head, mouth curving into a grin.

" _It's about fucking time, Ichigo."_


End file.
